Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Thoughts on my heart

I am not sure why, but I get quite a few emails from people asking me questions. I am not an expert (neither do I play one on TV). The questions are on many different things. Sometimes it is on being a wife, or a problem with a friend. Sometimes it is questions on bread making or homesteading type skills. We have people ask us what we feed our animals. We just had a man write and ask a series of questions on raising jerseys as meat. We really don't mind helping people because we have learned a lot of what we do by asking questions.

When I get a question on being a wife, or mother or good friend (relational issues) I feel a heavy responsibility it what I share. I in no way want to steer someone in the wrong direction. If you have been around me long you will know that talking bad about your spouse is not allowed around me. :) I actually had a customer that used to come in to the on-farm store regularly. She always told me about problems with her daughters, friends, mother, etc. She tried a couple of times to tell me about her husband, but I would stop her. One day she came in with her husband. I asked how her daughters were doing by name, I asked about a specific thing going on in the nursing home with her mom, etc. Her husband turned to her and said "You tell her everything. Do you talk about me?" She said no, that every time she tried to talk about him, I handed her a book on marriage. :) I gave her a book one time and that was it. Honest!!

I had a question this week about dressing modestly. I urged the woman to talk to her husband and see what HE wanted her to wear and what HIS thoughts were on modesty. She may have already done this, and I am not talking about her at all, it is just her question made me think about some things that have been on my heart. I need a reminder REGULARLY to be faithful in the basics.

What are my basics? First, I am a child of the King of Kings. I need to seek to please Him in all that I do first and foremost. I can find out what He wants me to do by spending time with Him in the Bible and in prayer. I am not against Christian books at all and have a ton of them. However, too often we want to go to a book we heard about husbands and wives, etc. We want to read what it is we (or is it HE) is supposed to be doing. We first need to go to the Bible. It reminds me of a story I heard. I am not 100% sure it is true, but it makes sense to me. I was told that when they train a bank teller to look for counterfeit money, they don't show them counterfeit money, but have them handle the real stuff until they know it well. Then the counterfeit will be obvious. We need to first be in the Bible and know it well. Then when false thinking comes along, we will recognize it. Much of what is taught out there, or even accepted by Christians is NOT what the Bible tells us.

After being a child of God, I am a wife to Michael. We have been married 30 years. The first years of our marriage are years that I wish I could do over. I had no thought of pleasing the Lord in my marriage. I did not put my husband first. I still struggle with this, but by God's help and grace I am growing in that area. After being a wife to Michael, I am a mother to Joshua. That area of my life has changed drastically. He is now the head of his own household and I need to treat him as such.

Now, to my thoughts. I hear so many women share how their husbands are in charge in their home. They say all the right things. However, you see them as they interact with their spouse. That is not the truth of reality. I am sure people have seen that in me. How many times when someone asks us to do something or go somewhere do I say, "We aren't doing that!" I do not even give him a chance to speak many times. I am trying so hard to BE QUIET!!! I don't want to be a high maintenance wife. My husband deserves better than that. Life is NOT about me and what makes me happy and comfortable. I think it is sad that a WELL KNOWN saying is, "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy;" Too often this is what I am seeing. My life should be about making sure my husband's needs are taken care of and also that I am doing what he wants me to do. Do you argue with your husband? I would NEVER do that. Ummm.... that is not true. I am confessing, I do that sometimes. I am so sure if he could just see it MY way, everything would work out perfectly. Sigh.... I also see ladies run ahead on what they do. I hear from them that their husband doesn't care what they do in this area or that. Then later you hear either from the spouse or even the wife how that was not true. Take the time to ask your husband's opinions, desires, wishes, goals. Draw them out of him. Let him know that he is important and that you really do want to please him. Don't argue or feel the need to share your point on everything. If he asks your opinion then share your heart. Then let it go. Get behind him in that issue even if he chooses to do it his way. Do it as unto the Lord. When I say in my heart that I don't trust my husband to do the right thing in a certain area, I am really saying I don't trust God to work through my husband. Many times what I feel is the right thing, may not be right.

From the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. Make a list of all the wonderful things that you love about your husband. What drew you to him? Add to the list and then read it often. When something he is doing bugs you, think of how many things that you do that bug him. How do you want him to handle those? Fill your heart with good things about your husband. Reject the bad thoughts. Ask Christ to take those thoughts captive and get them out of your mind and heart. As your heart fills with those good things, that is what will speak when you open your mouth. That will be where your reactions come from.

Any thoughts or comments?


Perri said...

If this is the kind of advice you give, it's no wonder people come to you.

thanks so much for the donation for the diabetes walk. I didn't realize how the diabetes played such a part in all the things dad suffered at the end of his life.

I really appreciate it :)

Sharri said...

Wonderful post!
This is an area that I constantly struggle with and try to work on!
What can I say? I'm a work in progress! :)

Brittany said...

Thank you for posting that! It was a real encouragement to me. I think I will write that list. :-)

Nancy said...

Great post! I worked for Federal Reserve years ago and handled lots of money each day and when I got a counterfeit it stuck out like a sore thumb. You are right; we need to know the Word to recognize what is false. And we do need constant reminders and yours have been a big help!

Sharon said...

This is an area the Lord dealt with me about and I spent many years struggling with it, but once I began practicing God's ways toward my husband, I started seeing a good change in him as well. I haven't perfected this, but life is much more peaceful following God's ways. :)

Also, I read something that always stuck with me...Allow your husband to make mistakes and NEVER say "I told you so". There have been financial decisions he's made that I didn't agree with and then failed and he'd say, "Well, we learned a lesson this time, didn't we?" And I'd say, "Yes, honey, we sure did." :)