Thursday, May 28, 2009

Our Adoption Story

I recently had someone ask me to tell our adoption story. I wrote it all out and sent it, but I thought I would share it with you. I know that there are many people out there hurting because they do not have children and have not been able to conceive. I thought it might help someone.

I will tell it in as short of version as I can. :) All my life, I have loved babies and children. I have been involved in helping at Bible schools, baby sitting, the church nursery, etc. I looked forward to the day when I would be married and have 12 babies at least. I was also a very headstrong and independent young lady that thought SHE made things happen. I got married and we started trying to have a baby. Nothing. After over a year of nothing, we went to supposedly the best fertility expert in Columbus at the time. After looking back and finding others that went to him, he was not a good guy at all. We all got the same exact treatment even though we all had separate issues. He immediately scheduled a laparoscopy. I was so young and so dumb. All I remember him telling us was that I had one hormone over producing and one hormone under producing, so he gave us pills to take. I later read that infertility patients are only surpassed by terminal cancer patients in things they will try and endure. We asked no questions and I started taking the drugs. The one drug he had me on I took for over a year without realizing what it was and that it was a steroid. He had me on prednisone and I gained about 80 lbs. that year. I had no idea it was because of the drug. The other drug I took was clomid, which is a fertility pill. You would take it from days 5 through 9 of your cycle. I took 4 a day for those 5 days and it cost me $60 back then. I recently read a report that you should never take clomid for more than 2 months in a row because it can cause ovarian cancer. Sigh..... Also on day 14 or 15 I would have to go and get a shot of something. Each time I had a cycle, it would cost us over $100. Plus, you would have to go and be checked out by the doctor before day 5 to make sure there were no complications I guess. That was always very humiliating and messy. After we had done this for over a year, I was having other health issues and went to a regular doctor. He said that my blood sugar was borderline as well as my blood pressure. He saw that I was taking the 2 prescriptions and told me that one caused the higher blood sugar and the other caused the higher blood pressure. He told me to quit taking them and I did. I never weaned off of the prednisone like I am now told you are supposed to be, I just quit. I was very low. Here was something in my life I wanted more than anything, and I couldn't make it happen. I was not living for the Lord and I was miserable.

One night I had a dream. It was one of those dreams that is so real that when you wake up, you are surprised it was not real. I dreamed I had become pregnant and that I had the baby. I did not remember dreaming the labor, but there was the before and after. I can still see the wall paper in that dream. I was just getting ready to put the baby to my breast when I woke up. I had been late with my cycle, but it had started and with a vengeance. Everything was a mess. I fell into a million little pieces and did not even want to go on. I was supposed to go to a baby shower that night. My pride would not let me stay home. What a stupid thing pride can be. Anyway, God did use that. There are several little places in my life that were a big "God moment". That night was one of those. We were all supposed to share something to encourage the new mom to be. I was dreading my turn. I was afraid of turning into a blubbering idiot. My turn never came. Someone else that was there was struggling with something and it ended up she was crying and sharing and people were reaching out to her. One of the things she was told was really for me. That everything that happens to us is filtered through God's fingers of love. That nothing can happen to us that is not for a purpose. It spoke directly to me and I took it like a little pebble to place in my heart's treasure pouch.

My parent's pastor had adopted a little boy because they were unable to have children. We asked him if we could come and talk to him. We went in and poured our heart and hurt out to him. We told him that we could not go on any longer. He looked at us and smiled and said, "Good!". I wanted to smack him. :) (By the way, I have since told him I wanted to smack him) Then he told us that now God could work. He told us to go home and give up our rights to children. To turn to the Lord and go to Him for our strength. It was the hardest thing we ever did up to that point. We got on our knees and told the Lord that we gave up our rights to ever have children (as if it was ours anyway) and that if He did not want us to have children, we were OK with that, but we needed His grace to get through it.

Not quite a year later, we heard from that pastor that he had been told of an attorney that did an occasional adoption. That was not her main line of work, but God brought quite a few across her desk. However, her list of prospective parents was really short. That is unheard of in the adoption world. We went to talk to her. It was really neat. She was a Christian and had been raised on the mission field. Her parents had gone to church with my parents at one point. She is currently on the Ohio Supreme Court. She told us that to start the procedure she would need a certain amount of money for a retainer fee. She said once she had that she would put us on the list and the process would start. She also told us that if we decided to go ahead, she did not call the parents until they were to pick up the baby. She said that it was more of a surprise to the parents, but there was a lot less hurt of a failed adoption.

I was ready to dive in, but Michael was unsure. We had gone to talk with her in May. She called in September wondering if we were going to go ahead. I told her we were not sure. Then she called again in November and I told her the same thing. Then she called in January and I told her the same thing. Then she said that she had already passed us over twice and she had a prospective birthmom she wanted to match us up with. I told her I would call Michael and call her back. He said that we should go ahead with it. Here we were not even on her list and she had matched us three times. She told us that the only other names she had were 2 couples that the wives were twin sisters. Both had been trying to get pregnant for over 10 years and they had both become pregnant within weeks of each other. That brought our name into the pot.

We started getting our paperwork and stuff in order. We knew that the baby was due in April (another rule of hers she broke for us). She called me in early April to tell me that the girl thought she was in labor. Then we heard nothing until the morning he was born. Those were some really long days. On the morning he was born, she called and told us that we had a son. In Ohio, they have to wait a mandatory 72 hours before the birthmom could sign away her rights. When I heard her say we had a son, my first thought was... He is not mine yet.... I was trying to guard my heart. As soon as court was over, she called and told us he was ours. I still weep thinking about that call.

When we went for our part of the adoption hearing, our lawyer and the referee were both Christians. We were also told that both of the twin sisters had miscarried and were back on the list. She also told us that the hospital really tried hard to get the girl to change her mind about letting him be adopted and that also one of her relatives had applied some pressure to her to let them have him. She herself was adopted and she wanted him in a Christian home.

I am still barren physically, but I shout for joy that God allowed me to have Joshua to raise. I am sorry this got to be so long. I did leave out a lot of details. :)

I am very open to comments or questions about any of this. I have traveled the road of barrenness for 30 years. Ask away!!


11 comments:

Faith said...

Marci,

What a lovely story of God's grace in your lives and how He has glorified Himself through your circumstance. Thank you for sharing it.

I would have loved to have had a dozen kids. Pregnancies for me were very hard. I don't know that i would've survived another.

Now, my three oldest children are gone and do not involved themselves in my life at all. I have my dear Michael left at home. With my circumstance I doubt more children are for me, but I'd take a dozen any time.

Adoption is a beautiful thing.
God bless!

~Faith

Anonymous said...

Hi Marci!

Thank you for posting your adoption story! I really enjoyed reading how the Lord worked in so many lives to get your son to you.

It's interesting to look back on things that happen in our lives. It can seem so hard going through a certain time in your life, but looking back it's easy to see how the Lord worked everything out so perfectly. :-)

Have a great day!

~Karen in Ohio

Lynn Bartlett said...

What a neat story, Marci! Joshua has very special parents!

Betsy said...

Marci,

Thank you for sharing about your adoption story. I totally understand where you are coming from. I am not able to bear children myself either and that was hard when I was younger. Since I was a child, I always wanted to be a wife and a mother. But God had different plans for me. I did work with children, like babysitting, the church nursery, VBS. It is fun to be around children and they are such a joy.

I have been reading your blog for awhile but I had never posted in the comments until now. I really like your Count Your Blessings Monday. I good reminder that there is much to be thankful and grateful about. I enjoy reading about your farm life.

Would you be willing to pray for me to get a job soon? I live in California and I have been out of work since March 2008. I have even prayed to the Lord that if he wants me to move that He would show that to me clearly and where. And that is if he wants me to move.

Thank you and God bless you and your family.

Marci said...

Betsy, I will pray for clear direction from the Lord. I pray you see clearly the path He has for you!!

Betsy said...

Thank you Marci. I really appreciate your prayers for me.

Lynn said...

Thank you for sharing this. I was able to have three children after years of female problems. It took me a long time to turn it all over to the Lord. I had my life all planned out. I knew when I wanted children, etc. But He had a better plan. Those years of trying were difficult, but I would not change them. They brought me closer to Christ and reminded me that He and only He was in control. Thank you again for sharing your story.

Brad-ford said...

I love hearing you tell this story, and being reminded of how God worked in your lives through this time.
You certainly wound up with a wonderful son after all that you went through! :)

Dairy Diva said...

This post was such an inspiration for me. I am writing this with tear filled eyes. You are such an amazing person! I am struggling myself with the children issue, but in a different way. I always said I wanted to have children before age 30. I am 27 now. My husband and I buy our own health insurance and we have been trying to get maternity coverage, but I have been denied by Anthem due to a med I take. I am so frustrated. So at this point I have to wait for open enrollment in August with my current company to get maternity coverage added to our plan. Then there is a nine month waiting period to get pregnant. Ugh! This will put me at 29! I feel defeated.

I just pray that I can find the strength you have to stop trying to plan my life and let the Lord take over. I have always been a Christian, but have always struggled to allow God to fully take control.

Sorry so long! You are amazing. God bless your family!

Love the music!

A fellow farmer in Ohio,
Annie

mary said...

As a mother to 3 "home-grown" and 3 adopted children, I too believe that adoption is one of the biggest miracles that our loving God gives to us. It still amazes me that adoption and giving birth are exactly the same (except for the recovery!). The wait, the emotions, the fears are the same. The moment that child is placed in your arms, they become yours forever. I love that!!!!

Brittany said...

I enjoyed reading this story Marci mom. :-)It actually made me tear up a little bit. I am so amazed and thankful and awestruck by the way
God brought Josh to you, after that attorney matched you up with two other women and those other two ladies that were ahead of you got pregnant, putting you on the top of the list. It's just awesome. I am so thankful to God for your son and my husband!