Monday, June 09, 2008

Questions That Haunted My Friend

My friend Colleen sent me a list of questions that haunt her. OK, so someone probably sent it to her and she forwarded it, but she is a great person and just in case I gave her some answers so that she can sleep at night. I thought I would share them with you.



QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!

Can you cry under water? Yes, but it messes up the PH of the swimming pool, so don't.

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? They had to be elected to some public office... 4-H leader does not count.

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? It goes in my pocket, but please don't tell. I am saving for a much needed truck.

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? No, haven't you seen the pictures... we will all wear white robes.

Why does a round pizza come in a square box? It is to leave little corners in case they want to put some extra stuff in the box like sauce or extra peppers.

What disease did cured ham actually have? It is called rigamortis. It would be too hard and stiff to eat if left uncured.

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Our government thinks big... in fact it thinks too big for its britches. It forgets the little guy.

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? Men are the ones who made this up. They can sleep through anything and assumes that the baby slept all night.

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? Yes, although I am sure the ACLU will be sueing someone over that sometime soon.

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? They assume you go into a movie theater to watch a movie.

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Because people are basically dumb.

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. Because they want to make you wait another 45 minutes while they get a snack.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? I am sorry this one will have to keep you up at nights. I don't have a clue.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? Because there are indecent human beings. Also, some mothers like to punish their children in this way.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? Jimmy's mother wrote it. 'Nough Said!!

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ? Only if the other person is visible.

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? You know how those smart types are... Very intelligent, but no common sense.

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! Because Goofy is goofy.

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner? There were no road runner cafes in those days.

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? They have a special bath house for babies. When they first get there, they are set in a warm tub of clear water. Their body oils end up in the water and they strain them off and bottle it.

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? NO!!

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? I don't want to give you all the answers because then you would be too dependent on other people and never think for yourself. Get 2 people together. Tell one to hum Twinkle and the other to hum the alphabet song. Tell them to stay on the same key. Then you will know for sure.

Why did you just try singing the two songs above? Because I LOVE music.

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your rear end? Isn't a hemorrhoid sort of on the outside area or near it? It is not deep in the middle of a cheek.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Have you checked to make sure you brushed your teeth?

I hope you are able to rest your mind now. No charge!!

3 comments:

Ladyfromthewoods said...

Thank you Marci for clearing those up!

I think I may have an answer for the bra/panties one. Back in the day when you only had what you needed and nothing more, you can get away with having one bra (if you washed it at night) but you needed at least two pairs of panties, one to wear and one to wash. Of course, there are those who will argue due to personal preference, but I just thought I'd throw that it there for what little it's worth! LOL!

Love ya,
Teresa

Tina Leigh said...

Oh my this is too funny!! Us "People" are weird folks aint we! LOL!

Lady_MSnow said...

Too funny :D