Sunday, March 09, 2008

Life And Death

Michael spent time outside today clearing the snow from around his car. He is hoping to get the tractor going and try and clear the driveway. Our road has not been cleared yet. We will have to wait and see what today brings. He came inside for a bit and sat down. Before you know it he was out. This happens to me all the time. I call it sleep NAPnea. I sat down by the fire and started to knit and before you know it, I had joined him in napping. When we both came to at one point, he shared with me that he had read about falling asleep like that. The article said that in the winter, if you burn fuel in your furnace, that it takes some of your oxygen out of the air to burn it. That means there is less for you. So, you tend to fall asleep. We then were laughing at what an exciting couple we are. I moved over to the other part of the living room to put my socks on. I snuggled down into the recliner in that part of the room (I had been in a rocking chair). I was going to try and have another little nap. I looked over at the piano beside me and saw a picture of my Mom. Grief is so weird. You never know when it is going to wash over you. Here, I had just been having a lighthearted laughing moment with my sweet Beloved and now I was crying. I don't cry every time I look at her picture. It is just at certain times. I think of all that is going on in our lives. I know that she would love Brittany and be so thrilled for Joshua. I would love to share that with her. I think about when they have babies, how much she loved her grandbabies and her great-grandbabies. My grandbabies will never know what a treasure they are missing. I am knitting (or attempting to knit) this little sweater. She would be thrilled with it and share with me how cute she thought it was, etc. She taught me to crochet. I wonder who taught her. I may never know. There are just times it would be so nice to talk to your Mom. Nobody else would understand. I would never wish her back from heaven. I rejoice for her being in the presence of Jesus. I just have this hole in my heart that no one else can fill. It is Mom shaped.

I am not trying to bum you out. I am just sharing my heart because it somehow helps. Again, take time to tell people you love them. Take time to talk to them and ask them tons of questions. Also, look for those who are around you and hurting. Send them a note, let them know you care. You never know when that last time will be. Make sure you are not going to have any regrets when that time comes.


Lynn Bartlett said...

Thanks for sharing, Marci. I try to visit with my Mom about every other day, and I can't imagine what it will be like when I can no longer do that.

Peggy said...

I miss my mother too and there are times when I really miss her alot and will cry or just sit and have a pity party because she isn't here. But like you I would never wish her back here when she is in a much better place.